The “One Day” Mentality | Stop it, Stop it NOW!

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Hey everyone,

From time to time I like to write about my life lessons.  I also like to appreciate the fact that I have actually learned to apply these lessons from life. Here is an article on my battle with the “One Day” mentality.

Trapped in a future realm that I had no power over, because I forgot about NOW.

Back in my early blogging days, my heart was in the right place about reaching out to people and helping folk with their fitness quest, but my attitude and actions weren’t always inline with having a positive effect and affect on people I communicated with (this was also true of my off-line life btw).  My actions were often motivated by a need to fight against some injustice or rant about something that I disagreed with.  I wasted a lot of energy preaching to the choir … it doesn’t take much courage to write a blog about something you disagree with, when you know full well most of your readers will agree with you, or defend you against those who disagree.

 

Honestly, all this approach ever did for me was produce one massive headache!  I divided people and caused strife, I was offended when people lashed back at me,  I was too proud to admit that some of my words were harsh and I was unwise in many of my replies to people; acting arrogant and defensive.  It got to the point that the point of what I originally said no longer mattered … all that did matter was how I was conducting myself.  I may have concreted my relationship with some of my readers or friends, but I put a lot of others off me.

Now I am not saying that we should never stand up for what we believe it, in fact I think we should, but what I used to do was stand against what I didn’t believe in, and there’s a difference! I also am not saying that we try to please everyone, this is impossible – what I am saying is that acting only to win popularity or get a reaction is not going to gain people’s trust or their attention long-term.  You must act and be fully prepared to be proven wrong; not act as if you are always right – In other words, be humble, not arrogant.  Be open-minded, willing AND able to listen, and slow to anger.   This has been a great learning curve for me and, if you have the time to read on, I wish to explain it further.  Many of you will already know what I have just learned, but I am so happy I now know this, that I am excited to share it!

As many of you will also understand, knowing it is one thing; living it is another – it takes practice! But I digress …

Seeing injustice or seeing “crafty”, selfish people succeed above others used to make me so angry inside.  You know the type of person I am referring to … and it was not just people in the fitness world; this related to my personal relationships (maybe a friend, a family member, an ex boyfriend),  matters on the news, work colleagues … you know, those people who seem to have a smooth ride and success even by stepping on or manipulating every other person along the way!  They never seem to get their comeuppance … so I always felt a duty to fight against them and try to get justice! I will even confess that on some level I was jealous of them; it’s hard to explain because I didn’t want to be who they were, but I was jealous that they had managed to capture the audience that I needed to capture.

I had a chip on my shoulder!  It annoyed me to see people gaining popularity and success by being “false” or selling people some unrealistic dream, while poor little me was fighting the uphill battle of trying to right all the wrongs and injustice in the world! There were a few reasons why I had so much frustration and stress in my life over these matters. For one, I fixated on the wrongs and the task of undoing them (which is next to impossible with the attitude I had); I developed a sense of panic and urgency, impatience, rashness, a sharp/quick tongue (or words that I typed), all because I didn’t want more people falling for their BS.  I wanted wanted wanted things to change I thought the only way I could do this was to be the brass-necked one who knocks them off their high horse.  I appointed myself this role and all it has ever got me is trouble!  Looking back, my unhappiness and discontent all boiled down to ONE thing … being dissatisfied with my current situation and constantly living in the future!  I wanted to be in a different position, have a bigger audience, be more popular … all these things were placed in some future picture and all I could see was the long path to get there. I was so focused on the destination that I forgot to start walking there.

The “One Day” Mentality!

The reason I felt rushed and impatient was because I NEEDED to reach these people and “save” them.  I would play out in my head how I wanted things to go and I would always seem to be saying “one day” this/that will happen. “One Day I will have the voice I need to reach more people”, “one day, I’ll show them”, “one day, I will be happy”, “one day I will be leaner/stronger”. Or the best one: “One day, I will meet my future husband and we will live happily ever after” haha! How sad was my present life at the time that I lived everything in the future.  I would get so caught up in thinking about “all the work that I STILL had to do”, that my productivity came to a halt!  Procrastination, speculation and day-dreaming became my daily habit while my life (and my mission) started to pass me by as I became ever more distracted by all the wrongs around me.  Who wouldn’t be stressed by that!!

Living outside of NOW is the biggest contradiction out there. When you are anywhere but “now”, you cannot be living … you are merely dreaming/existing/floating!

If you catch yourself living in the future realm of “One Day”, be still a minute and think about what’s happening around you right NOW! Notice the little things and feel the ground beneath your feet.  Staying grounded in “now” is the only true way to enjoy life and the only true way to make a difference to people around you.

Now I make a daily effort (this is something I make myself do every morning and night, because I still get sucked in to my old ways from time to time) of feeling present and not getting distracted by my dreams (note: it is ok to have dreams and goals, but we must not let the time frame become so daunting that we forget to start our journey, or start feeling there’s no point).  It’s natural to want to be a success, but who’s to say you are not already a success??

This is what I have come to realise; whether my audience is small or large, I am getting to act out my dream NOW. My message is being heard and I am helping people – so I sure as hell won’t insult you all by saying “that’s not enough”.  One of the keys to living a more productive “now” is being grateful for what you have.  If you are discontent, you will start living in the past or the future and you disconnect from now.  As for my future husband … well, I have learned to be happy single and I have stopped expecting the right man to come along and started focusing on making myself the right woman.  It’s a daily exercise to keep your mind in the present, especially if your are a natural dreamer like me, but it’s worth putting the effort in to.

“One Day” does not exist; it will never happen. The only day that matters is TODAY! What you do today matters!

Today, I waste no energy on people who are crafty, manipulative or selfish; today I am praising good things and spreading a positive message one step at a time.  If someone else has what I THINK I want, I am happy for them.  I leave the navigation of my life up to God, for I have no knowledge or understanding of the future – that is not my purpose.  My only time is now.

Just because some days are more challenging than others, does not mean that we can’t develop ourselves, rise above it, hold on to gratitude for the good things we have.  Challenges are not an excuse to run off to the future again – acknowledge the challenge and deal with it, otherwise it lingers until you come back from your daydream!

Let go of that “One Day” mentality, because it really is the biggest ball and chain of your life!  If your goal is fat loss, gaining strength, being more positive, being happy with your body – whatever – STOP the “one day” thinking and just begin.

Remember this life lesson: If the future never exists, then your final destination will never exist.  This must mean all that is ever really real, is the part of the path we are on now. In other words, it’s all about the journey 🙂

How exciting!

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29 Responses

  1. Durante says:

    Couldn’t agree with you more, you have such great wisdom! I love your blog! I think we all suffer from “One day” I usually suffer from that when I’m tired, and I think “I’ll work off whatever garbage is most convenient to eat right now.”

  2. Danny says:

    Fantastic post, Marianne!

    Some great stuff in the replies also, thanks everyone!

    I think this post qualifies to be in the category of “things happy people do”; for nearly 4 years I have been generally in state of mind you have described here, and working to free myself from the negativity. I decided to cease having my focus be on the things that were twisting my shorts so tightly, and earlier today thought to begin looking more at how I might be beneficial to others. I’ve been active charitably, but that is not enough.
    Your post has broadened my horizons! From the first time I saw you in a video I knew you were more than just another babelicious fitness chic; you, Marianne, possess Magnificence!

  3. Melanie says:

    Marianne,
    Great post! I found your site by Googling ‘Strong and Feminine’ and it took me to a site that had one of your videos on it. This is a great find! I’ll keep checking back!

  4. Gert says:

    sorry forget to add the link….

    http://vimeo.com/45784191

    bye

  5. Gert says:

    Hey, Marianne.. I hear a lot of Eckart Tolle in your writing from your thoughts… about “The power of NOW” in this post. Looking at Eckart Tolle sitting hunched over in a chair on stage mumbling while wearing a 50 year ago old-fashioned bleek colour spencer… very slowly speeking…about being a grey mouse amazed by a raindrop on the ohh so beautifull green gras… I hope you will definately keep aiming for tight colurfull spandex clothing Marianne… Let it be a flaring up ego-driven behavior. I will have a good moment of NOW.. while perhaps maybe or not learning a good move.

    But okay maybe we will have lost you on the now.. But that’s okay. I think you display a good example of a human being ripening up in life by the lines every person can walk or not !! A little bit of eckart tolle is not bad… It’s good. It’s is necessary..

    Even when you develop out of the scene of being a kettlebell-queen on this stage… It will be a good transformation I’m sure from reading your post.

    You don’t need to be an athlete to find your future-husband !!

    Finding the “space” in the NOW even if it’s a challenge in one or another appearance.. is what counts.

    In the link I see a girls that surely likes the challenge that lying before and under her feet… And I sure like to see the girl.. !!

    But that’s not what I mean.. ahumm

  6. Tiffany says:

    Marianne thanks so much for the post. It is so great to know I am not the only one out there struggling with always being anxious about the future instead of being appreciative and happy with now; As per the comments, a lot of us identify with this. Thank you for sharing!

    And thanks to Mickela for that motto! I am going to hang that one up on my vision board.

  7. chrysta says:

    sssooo true. I really dove into reading this and felt I could totally relate. I spent alot of my time with the same feelings and thoughts. But then for some reason early this year I just decided that wasting my time of these feelings wasnt healthy. Its important to have a strong body but also to be strong mentally as well. It was nice to read though knowing I wasnt the only one that had these thoughts too at one time. But its good finding a way to move on and get past them. Looking at what I have been blessed with in the present is what I think is most important. Cheers!

  8. Priyanka says:

    Dear M,

    Great article.There are so many, including me, holding on to a magical promise of tomorrow without having to live through the mundane today. My future life in my head so effin awesome that the real has begun to feel surreal.You are right, action put in NOW is the only way to make those day dreams a reality for they definitely will be a reality some day.For both you and me.All the best.

    P

    • Marianne says:

      Oooo, I can identify with that so well! I do that too … it needs to stop! Because when you come back from your day dream future life, the present time is often even more disappointing. Best not to project at all!

      Thank you 🙂

  9. Lesley says:

    Oh another so timely post for my Marianne…and there are no coincidences I believe. After a particularly emotional weekend this helps me clarify a LOT!

    Spending the weekend at a family wedding made me realize just how much we live in the past – my coping mechanism, to avoid being like the rest of them riddled with regret and grudges, was to project myself into the future! Great idea right?!? Wishes, dreams and goals! But alas I am in the same boat, I tend to miss what is right in front of me in the here and now.

    I am working on it and getting better (when I am consistent with my gratitude list) but I am still not there – obvious by the tears shed and the broken heart full of memories the past few days.

    But posts like this help me realize just how blessed I truly am to have such positive inspiration in my life 🙂

    Forever grateful,
    Lesley
    xoxo

    • Marianne says:

      I’m sorry that you are hurting about something Lesley; me too … but I guess we cannot change what has been, nor can we control what’s ahead. We just need to be HERE and now. Hope you feel better soon xo

      • Lesley says:

        Back at ya sweets! It’s all good. Part of the growth process. I have come closer to God the past week and have a renewed sense of purpose and focus. I believe that we are presented challenges to learn and grow. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, it just means that I have chosen to hand it over and stop trying to control everything. Hope you are feeling better too. xox

  10. Great post as always! I completely agre. I am going through one of the hardest periods of my life and I am trying to live NOW…for the present day. I am trying to let go of the past, because if you are constantly looking back, you might trip and fall… I dream about the future but I know that tomorrow is not secure…people always prepare for tomorrow…and tomorrow never expects them, because tomorrow doesn’t know about our existance…so we should live TODAY!
    Here is a great article I read yesterday, I think that it could help a lot of people, as it helped me look inside of me and find who I am… It is strange how you spend years searching for yourself…and then one day, in just a sentence…a post… a word…you find the truth and your life is never the same!

    http://www.kratosguide.com/ego-the-false-center/

  11. Stephanie says:

    Ahhhh…. That sound accompanied by the biggest smile ever. Timely,well written and oh so good for the soul.
    Thank you for the reminder, as I was preparing to rant to a friend about something that hasn’t even happened and I know better! Giggles all over right NOW.

  12. Laurie says:

    Your so human. I think your great!!
    Also, I watched you throw the kettle bell over and over and laughed everytime. The look on your face is priceless!!!
    Thanks for sharing.

  13. Terri says:

    “Promote what you love, instead of bashing what you hate”
    Sounds like the lesson to be gained. Awesome and inspiring!

  14. Mickela says:

    sounds like my motto
    if you live in the past you will be depressed
    if you live in the future you will be anxious
    if you live in the present you will be serene

    takes time to get this one right. I am still working on it.

  15. maria says:

    So well said & I can relate. My middle son is deaf & I was envious of the parents around me that”appeared”to have a”perfect” life. This son was an emotional challenge as well. I tried to control everything & I would say each year will get better. Really, it wasn’t until I broke down onto my knees & asked God for his help. I acknowledged that this son was a gift, but I was looking at him as a burden. When I handed the reins over to God, things changed all around for the good. Yes, even now 11 years later there’s a challenge once in a while with my son, but I let him work it out. It’s not mine anymore, he’s an adult now. I too say my thank yous for the good & the eh stuff, because all we learn to live more fully & then my body feels good, ready to workout.

  16. Annon says:

    HI Marianne,

    just wanted to say this really helped me. I can identify with lots that you said and keep it up it dosen’t matter how big your audience as long as it helps one person like myself on ‘one of those days’. You could have millions of followers but your posts could touch none of them.Just like reps its quality not quantity 🙂

  17. Krissy dongre says:

    Wow!! I’ve not really stopped to think much of it, but I’m pretty sure you have just explained my state of
    Exisitance to a T!!! Thank you so much for writing this and being so transparent and brave! I will now try to remember your words everyday, and live in the NOW! Life certainly passes by quickly! My oldest is about to start Kindergarten, and it feels like I was just bringing him home from the hospital last week!!! Too much precious time gets WASTED on the things you have described here! Again, thank you for opening my eyes to this reality!

  18. Dan says:

    The right man is already out there, just 41, already married and with kids. Oh, and English 🙁 LOL!!

    There is a lot of sense in what you say, and i dare say the situation affects far more people than it should. I supposed that’s what separates the go-getters from the herd; the former actually does something, the latter just wishes for it.
    Procrastination, pulling one’s finger out, shiny objects, internet links, the dreaded CBA, or simply the puss-in-boots wool ball batting; they are all distractions I chastise myself for, but regularly partake in.
    And then i find another week gone…

    There’s a lot to be said for getting shouted at, even at my stage in life. I`ll ask the wife to tell me off when she gets in.

  19. Clea says:

    Brilliant, brilliant post Marianne…I am too extremly guilty of living my life with the “one day” mentality. This post reminds me that i need to stop the dreaming and that only I can make my life better by living in the present and working on myself with my goals in mind. Going forward I will appreciate what i have right now and work hard to get where i want to be, but not let myself be sucked into constantly thinking about what I want my future to be like!! Thank you for writing this…it’s just what i need right now :))

  20. Chanin says:

    Marianne,

    Excellent post!! I know many people (including myself) who fall into the “one day” syndrome at times. Thanks for sharing what you’ve learned. Great reminders. I think gratitude plays a big part of staying in the moment too- don’t you? Blessings, Chanin

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